Jack Levine  of 4Generations Institute

Please take a few minutes to gather thoughts with me in anticipation of Mother's Day - next Sunday May 11th.

Traditionally a day when we honor our mothers - in person, by phone, with a card or flowers, over a meal, or, as for me, in memory - Mother's Day also provides us an opportunity for reflection.  There are few more emotional bonds than that of a mother and child.  And while we know that difficult circumstances, negative behaviors, or other problems do arise between parents and children, we've all had the need for the nurturing love of a mother - natural, foster, or adoptive.

{sidebar id=1}In special honor of our mothers, I hope you'll consider a special gift to a charity serving children, a program that works with teen moms, a shelter for victims of domestic violence, or perhaps an agency that serves elders.  It's a wonderful tribute to our moms, in person, by card, or as a memorial, to give that gift in her honor.  With budgets for family programs being cut, please pitch in and make a timely contribution in the name of someone you love.

As part of my 4Generations Institute work, I've been collecting family remembrances - stories passed across the generations - which provide a guiding light in my advocacy.  I love family history. It's what connects us to our own personal selves.  Recalling our own history evokes a sense of responsibility to the future.....to create our own legacies.  Here's one of my favorite family remembrances.

My Grandma Minnie always liked to get people talking.  As long as she was in a conversation, she was happy.  Maybe she was just plain nosy, but I think there’s a better explanation.  Minnie needed to know what was going on, and hearing news from the mouths of people she knew made it more interesting.

One way Minnie gathered her “sources” was setting a tender trap.  The bait?  Her famous cinnamon coffee cake.  Here’s the strategy.  Mix up a batch of that rich, yeasty dough, slather it with butter, sugar and cinnamon, pop it in the oven, and open all of the kitchen windows.  As that sweet aroma began wafting in the morning breeze, you’d be astonished how many neighbor women remembered “Oh, I have something to tell Minnie!”

Following their noses to Minnie’s kitchen table, they’d come in groups of three and four, wearing their aprons, hair tucked into old-country babushkas, bearing tidings of family, friends and sharing those "fish-stories.”

Those tales got their name because they were told at the fish store by women waiting for their hand-picked catch of the day to be gutted, scaled and filleted.  In the few minutes it took the fishman to do his sharp-knived duty, you’d be amazed how much neighborhood news could be shared.

But most of the talk at Minnie’s kitchen table was personal.

“It’s Morris,” Yetta would begin. “First he said he was working late. I believed him. Then he started with the stories about helping a friend with a problem. I still believed him.  But then he ran out of stories. Now I think he’s up to no good.”

Between bites of coffee cake, the other women would nod in sympathy.  But Minnie had something to ask. “Yetta, what kind of no good?  A girl or gambling?”

“How should I know?” sighed Yetta, shaking her head slowly.

“Ask him,” replied Minnie. “The truth might hurt, but not knowing is no good either.  If he lies, at least he knows you don’t believe the stories, and you’re putting your foot down.  Morris should know you care.  If he won’t tell you, then cross that bridge later.”

Minnie was not a credentialed counselor, of course.  She was a kitchen table connector.  Her role was to gather “the girls”, hear their news, and give each one a special word of wisdom.  She believed in teamwork.  “Try picking up a big table by yourself…impossible.  Everybody take hold of a corner….up it goes.”

Minnie organized people as naturally as she baked.  And with the same system.  No formal recipe……just good ingredients and the right way of mixing.  Whether it was a special dinner celebration at the temple, taking up a collection to send a sick friend to the hospital, or taking in a family who lost their apartment, Minnie made the plan.

For Minnie, solving a problem wasn’t really too complicated.  Get people together, find out what’s going on, think of ways to work it out, and get started.  If you have to change direction….so change direction!

Not acting was Minnie’s pet peeve. “You'll wait a long time with your mouth open before a roast chicken will fly in.”

We all had our own childhood helpmates, people who were there when we needed them, opening their ears to our plans, and their hearts to our problems.  If not a close family member, maybe a neighbor, a teacher, a mentor.  I trust that each of us had some of those special relationships which help build our confidence, shape our attitudes, and pave our paths to adulthood.

My Grandma Minnie was such a person for me.  I am convinced my passion for advocacy was, in part, nurtured at her kitchen table, listening to her wise counsel and seeing her act in subtle but strong ways to get others moving forward.

Please take a moment to think of that special person in your childhood whose influence moved you in the right direction. Consider what that powerful presence was, and how it helped guide who you are today.

If you’d like to share a story with me, there’s a place at my table for you. Come on over.  I’m listening.  Write a note and I'll be pleased to read it.

Please feel free to share my message with family, friends, and colleagues in celebration of Mother's Day.

I look forward to keeping you posted on the 4Generations Institute.  Through public speaking, seminar leadership, and connecting with affiliated organizations, the 4Generations message of building bridges across the ages for mutual benefit is making a difference.  By promoting policy initiatives, sharing program models, and inspiring volunteer commitments, the Institute's work is reaching new audiences.  Ask me how we can collaborate.

I welcome hearing from you, just touch the reply key and you'll be replying to me!

On a personal note, Charlotte and I are pleased to announce that both of our sons just graduated with their bachelor's degrees from Florida State University.  We are so proud of Aaron (26) and Josh (23) and look forward to helping to guide them into this next chapter of their lives.  Parenting is about slow days and very fast decades.  Reflecting on life's transitions is one of our greatest experiences....please celebrate joy, learn from loss, and move forward with confidence. 

As part of my 4Generations work I serve as Partnership Director for GRAND Magazine.  I’m trilled to offer you, and anyone you choose to forward this message to, a Free Subscription to GRAND Magazine. GRAND’s combination of family advice, lifestyle trends, and issues relevant to all generations makes it a publication for all of us. It's a valued resource for all grandparents and those who love them!

To take advantage of this offer, just click to the link http://www.grandmagazine.com/4Gen and follow the easy sign up directions. You will not be asked for any credit card information and of course will not be billed.

Written by :

mkwestmark

 

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