My first car was a little red ‘Vette – as in Chevette. It had four on the floor and no air conditioning.
It was faithful to start, until one icy Illinois morning it let me down. It would not start for anything. It was in the wee morning hours. I needed to get to work at the local radio station, and it let me down. I finally let my frustration get the best of me and I gave a little love tap to the dash. Okay, I admit it. I punched it. But just one little punch.
Now do you know what happens to plastic when it’s frozen? That’s right, it gets brittle. And what happens when you punch something that is brittle? Well then, now you have the picture.
That dash cracked all the way across. All I could do was just stare at it. You see, I’m the kind of person that takes care of my vehicles. I’m no car buff, but I do try to keep my cars buffed. But all it took was one moment of frustration and I had gone from my car’s friend to my car’s enemy.
Now let me say this. I’ve never done it again. From that day to this I have never punched a car.
Why not? Because the shock of that moment, cracking my own dash – it so stunned me and disappointed me – I was so disgusted with myself – it just drilled the lesson deep, and I’ve never done it again.
Now I could say, “Why did God allow my dash to crack?” But then you would say, “Why wouldn’t He?”
It’s called sowing and reaping. I punched my own dash and I got what I deserved – a busted dash.
It’s called natural consequences, and it’s a powerful teaching method.
This is the advice that experts give to parents. When it’s time to teach your child a lesson, try to do it through natural consequences. Allow them to reap what they sow.
For example, we are using natural consequences right now with our daughter, and I’m sure she will be thrilled that I’m talking about her. She now has her own car, thanks to a good deal from a family member. However, the air conditioning doesn’t work. She wanted us to get it fixed, and I told her no. I said, “If you want air conditioning, then get a job and pay for it.” I figured the blistering heat would be a good motivator.
That is a natural consequence. No job means no money, which means no air conditioning. Or, get a job, earn some money, and enjoy some nice air conditioning as a reward for your labor.
Natural consequences usually mean no intervention from the parent. You let things take their natural course instead of either arguing with the child or bailing them out. By my definition, it’s also a natural consequence when you mimic what would happen to them in the real world.
For example, in the real world, if you behave irresponsibly, you lose privileges. So that’s what should happen at home, too. If your child behaves irresponsibly, they should lose some privileges. If they are not taking care of business at school, then they should not be allowed to hang out with friends over the weekend.
When they get a job someday, they will not be allowed to goof off and still enjoy the benefits. No, if you goof off, you lose the benefits. If the child doesn’t do his work at school or at home, he must lose some benefits. He must reap what he has sown.
This makes parenting a challenge. For one thing, when you love your kids, you don’t want to “hurt” them. You want to love on them and you want them to be happy. However, if you don’t let them experience the consequences of their actions, you are not loving them. You are actually hurting them.
Children must learn that their actions have consequences. Recently I read about an NBA star who got in trouble for smart-mouthing police officers. I wondered if his parents allowed him to smart-mouth them when he lived at home?
Parents cannot allow this, not at any age. A child that rudely talks back to you must have consequences. If they are smart enough to talk back to you they are smart enough to learn not to. And if you don’t correct it now, the police will have to do it for you later.
It may feel like love to not dish out consequences, but listen, those consequences are going to come. They can come in little ways now, or big ways later. And if you love your child, you will do it now, while they are most moldable.
And when you want to teach your children about sowing and reaping, when you want to prepare them for what will happen in the real world, a great way to do that is by using natural consequences.
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May God bless you today! With Apples of Gold, I’m Doug Apple.
Here is a brief look at natural consequences and other ways to “train up children in the way they should go.”
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My first car was a little red ‘Vette – as in Chevette. It had four on the floor and no air conditioning.
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