I'm Not Who I Was

{sidebar id=1}My friend Todd came to visit me. I had not seen him in a while, and he came to see me do my radio show. I think he was surprised to hear the music I was playing. It was…religious.

The last time Todd had heard me on the radio I was playing things like Van Halen and U-2, Led Zeppelin and AC-DC. I can still remember the bewildered smile on his face as he looked at the speakers.

See, I had given my life to Jesus Christ a few months before, and He had changed me. I was no longer the same person Todd had known so well. And that was just the beginning of my journey over 20 years ago.

At the time I was very bold about my faith. I had zeal, but no wisdom. I meant well, but my efforts were full of youthful bumbling. If you knew me then, well I’m not that person anymore. As a young man I had more of a temper. I didn’t act on it, but there were definitely times that I was this close to slugging someone. I did, however, take it out on a few inanimate objects. If you knew me then, you might say, “Doug Apple, he has a bit of a temper.” But thank God I’m not who I was.

As the Lord helped me get my act together, I began to see other people in a new light. I mean, why didn’t they have their act together? I was praying everyday, and studying my Bible. Why weren’t they? I was deeply involved in church work, why weren’t they? I became critical of my fellow believers. If you knew me then you might say, “Doug Apple, he’s a hard worker in the church. But he’s so judgmental…”

I’ll never forget attending a small Wednesday night church service. There probably weren’t 20 people there. Yet that night the Lord moved on me in a powerful way. It’s almost like I was struck by a holy lightning. I fell to my face at the altar, weeping, as the Lord revealed to me, “You don’t love people like you should.” It’s been my prayer ever since, “Lord, help me love people. Teach me to love everyone like You do.”

Over the years my life has gone through many stages, many periods of growth. When my grandmother died, I was asked to say something at her funeral. Afterwards one of my aunts said she was a little concerned what I might say. She was worried that I might say something sarcastic, or try to be funny – you know, say something out of place. At the time I was surprised. I thought, “Why would I do that?” But then I realized, there was a former version of myself that might have done something like that.

Other people only see snapshots of us over the years. But if we continue to grow, those snapshots become outdated. They think we are still like that, but we are not, not anymore…thank the Lord.

My son and I got together the other night, just the two of us, just to talk about things, especially what God was doing in his life. He told how he is not what he was just a few months ago, and where he thinks he is headed in his spiritual growth. And that’s the way it is when we truly seek the Lord and desire to grow. It happens. And we grow…fast. And over time, we are just not the same person.

Almost two years ago we moved to Florida from Illinois. Those people in Illinois have an idea of who I am. But I’m not that person anymore. Oh, I’m not radically different. But I’m not the same. I’ve grown a lot in the last two years. People think they know my wife and children. But they are not the same – especially my children. It’s the nature of kids to change faster than adults, and it’s true in our home. The spiritual growth in my own kids the last couple of years has amazed me. Their friends back in Illinois may think they know them, but they don’t. They are not who they were.

This year I have been on a Daniel Fast. It has brought me to a new level of spiritual maturity. I am not the same person I was last year at this time.

But do I have more to go? Absolutely! It’s like Jo Anne Arnett said one time, “I’m a little behind on my plan to be wonderful by now.” But I’m excited about what the next year holds. I won’t be the same person next year that I am today.

One of my favorite Bible verses is Philippians 1:6, “…He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” It’s good to know that as the Lord works in our lives, we will just keep on growing, hallelujah! And that’s something to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.

I’ll wrap up with a song we’ve been playing a lot on Wave 94 lately by Brandon Heath, and the title sort of sums it all up, and here it is, “I’m Not Who I Was.”

This article originally published on November 21, 2007.

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